Revision: “How Did We Manage to Survive Adolescence?”

In comparing the assigned essays , Lucy Grealy’s “Masks” and Emily White’s “High School’s Secret Life” both Grealy and White highlight the concept that you can reinvent your identity based on nothing more than outward appearance. In “Masks” this was especially obvious in the way Grealy was treated equally when her disfiguring scars weren’t visible and couldn’t advertise that she was “different”. In “High School’s Secret Life” the examples are a bit less obvious but very much the same. The typical popular kids reinvent themselves by running up the Abercrombie flag for clear identification and sporting other name brand gear to draw attention to their class and detract from the individual attributes which might not conform to the group appeal. The most glaringly obvious theme is the school cafetorium as a proving ground for adolescence. Each student goes out into this great unknown for the first time as an individual and until the groups are established no matter that it may happen in one day, all the students start out alone and get a glimpse of how awful being the subject of “othering” would be. As the school year progresses the popular clans become more exclusive and the loners either begin to band together forming smaller groups based on some common interest, or there is some dividing factor making it impossible for a select few to fit in to any group and they remain alone. If the “High School’s Secret Life” were written from a perspective similar to Grealy’s, it would be White’s “boy at the second lunch period has some strange muscle condition that causes him to swat at the air, as if he is surrounded by insects” – (16). Both have some outward appearance or abnormality that clearly distinguishes them not just as different, but “not normal”. They would remain othered unable to be accepted into any group for fear of stigmatizing that group as “the weirdo’s”. The final comparison is the natural desire for individuals to connect with other human beings or to be accepted into the group and the pain and dizzying loneliness it brings when we fail to connect.

Although I experienced some awkward years in school, I never felt what it was like to be looked at as different and the fear and awkwardness is creates in people around you. Four years ago I experienced a minor slip and fall resulting in a fractured femoral head. This was brought about by a degenerative bone condition called avascular necrosis (AVN). This disease doesn’t cause physical deformation visible on the exterior but the damage to long bones is extensive. In AVN the blood circulation fails to adequately supply the ends of long bone with oxygenated blood causing the bone to begin dying and as it does becomes brittle, porous, and breaks down until eventual fracture or collapse of the bone. To be able to walk I had to use those awkward looking forearm crutches that they only give to people with weird incurable diseases. After undergoing bone grafting and vascular surgeries to try to save my hips the surgeries failed and 18 months later I went in for total hip replacements. After 2 years I finally was able to transition off the crutches though I will always walk with a limp. I had been at the same employer for many years and had a regular group of friends when this all started. The hotel had suffered some cut backs during those two years on crutches and most of the employees who were there when I started walking with them had moved on. This left people who had only seen me walk with crutches where a bit confused when I showed up one day suddenly able to walk without them. Like I said, they only give those kinds of crutches to people with weird incurable diseases so me suddenly walking without them started quite a buzz. This reaction was comical and I had fun teasing a few people about for at least a year. The reaction when I first started walking with them was just as drastic although it was perfect strangers who had uncomfortable and sometimes strange reactions.

I will never forget the first time I got on the metro bus with my forearm crutches and the way people reacted alienating me from the normal people of the King County Metro. As I looked down the row, everyone was looking at me suddenly realized they were staring and immediately tried to look away from me. When you’re the one doing the staring, you probably think it’s just you doing it, but when you are the object of the wonder, you realize that everyone is looking, even the quiet girl trying to hide it behind long bangs and a book. The bus was nearly full that day, but the first forward facing pair of seats had one open seat. As I headed toward it the fellow in the other seat who was trying hard to become invisible, suddenly got up and strode off into the back of the bus. He didn’t even want to share a seat with me. As pain and disability steadily took over more if my life, and I started losing common ground with friends, I become acutely aware of our need for companionship and how isolating it can feel some outward appearance prevents new friendships from forming as they would have naturally. I feel lucky that this issue started when I was an adult and did not have to face the cruel mean spirited nature that bonds most school aged children.